Las Vegas

Las Vegas was a VERY Successful  girls weekend. It included pool time, dinner, and shopping all with my girls. We stayed at Tahiti Village at the end of the strip.

We spent most of our time out of the water soaking up the sun. But we did have fun doing some water aerobics ( directed by Shae), played volleyball with a bunch of drunks, and we enjoyed the lazy river.

Pool Time

One crazy girl!

The rest of our trip was really just getting ready and going to a few amazing dinners! Shopping was a great success at H&M! I love that store!!!

 

Caesars Palace

Honestly I am so grateful for all of these girls. I have only known them all for about a year and I have only been close with them for that past 6 months but I don't know what I would do without them. They have been so supportive through everything I am going through right now. Each one of them have different experiences they have shared with me and have words of encouragement and they really make me feel like I am not alone. I am so blessed to have them in my life. Having a weekend away with them helped me learn a lot more about each one of them and I can truly say they are all amazing girls.

Now only 3 days until I leave for Costa Rica

Only 8 days till I turn 22

Its been 14 days since every part of my future was changed. Its finally sinking in more and more everyday BUT I am doing really good. Although I still have those bad moments that are still really hard..... I have never felt more blessed then I do right now. Heavenly father truly does give us trials to make us stronger and I am so grateful for that. I think what I am most grateful for is I look back at the relationship and I have no regrets. I feel that I treated him right, I loved him with all my heart, I gave him 100% of my trust, I always let him know how proud I was of him, I supported him, I was happy and positive for the most part, I always told him how grateful I was for him and the list goes on and on. My point is.. I don't look back and say I wish I would have told him I loved him more, or I wish I didn't fight with him about that.... I don't look back and wish I would have done anything different. I look back and think in my next relationship I want to love them and trust them the same way I did with Sean. I want to give them my whole heart. My goal is not to let this experience hurt the way I am in my next relationship. I want to continue to trust even though I have been betrayed. I want to give someone my whole heart and not just parts of it. I know with time I can reach this goal and I am grateful for that knowledge.

Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth

Theme Song

I have always loved this song but its def. perfect for my life right now. This is my mood this week for sure...
Listen to Kellie Pickler sing one of my favorites;

Best Days Of Your Life


My favorite part of the song;   "I've got my pride, She's got you"

Im taking this mood to Vegas! I am so ready to lay out & shop :)

 Off toVegas today baby!

Can't wait to drink this at Serendipity!

What a week!

Tomorrow will be 1 week since all of this happened. Its been such a hard week, more tears then I have cried in my whole lifetime I think. Sean has thankfully respected my wishes so far has left me alone, I hope this continues and I never hear from him again.

I had to go talk to the bridal store about my dress. I love my dress but lets face it I don't know when I will get married.... and who knows if I will regret wearing the dress I pictured myself marrying Sean in. So she said the best she could do was have me pay a $250 restocking fee.... my dress was made by Maggie Sottero she is from Austriallia I think. So the company charges that much to restock. So I am out $250 I guess. It was really hard being in the store... remembering before how happy I was when I tried it on :(  I cried the whole way home... I think I am still in shock sometimes and then it hits me all at once, that I'm really not getting married. Sometimes I think Sean is just at bootcamp or something and I am waiting for a letter. The other day after my game I opened my phone to call him... I really forgot for a split second. I think what I wonder the most is what he is doing. What he is feeling. If he misses me. If he's with her. If he is ok. Its hard when the last time I heard his voice he was hysterically crying. But then I think harder and I realize none of it matters and thats why I asked him not to speak to me anymore. I don't want to suffer through his emotions with him. I am dealing with my own and I don't need his sorry's in the mix anymore because my mind was made up from the second it came out of his mouth. I would never take him back.


I am still overwhelmed with gratitude for my friends and family and for all of you on here. Your comments touched my heart, its so good to hear your advice and to know that you care. Thank you so much!
Like I have been saying ALL week............. things can only go up from here :) They can't get any worse and I am hanging in there.

A few exciting things....

I have shopped a lot... I have 7 new dresses and a bunch of new swim suits......  that means Vacation!!!

Well my girls trip we have been planning for months is finally here and it couldn't have come at a better time! We are off to Las Vegas to stay at a resort and shop! Thats all I want to do right now... but then
I made a very spontaneous decision....

I just purchased my ticket .... and I leave in a week and a half!

First I will see this in La Fortuna

Arenal Volcano

Then I will see this in Nosara

I am going to Costa Rica!!!

At work I was talking to one of my friends.... after I told her what happened, she said I could come with her and her friends. I am so excited about it. I just need to get out of here and take my mind off of everything! No I am not trying to run away from my sorrows but the damage is done, lets just hope this helps the healing process go a little quicker! I am expecting Costa Rica to put a tiny extra patch on my heart. I have never been out of the country and I am kind of nervous. I just got my passport in the mail on Friday ( how convenient) so if any of you have been to Costa Rica and have any tips let me know.... What to wear? Things I HAVE to bring? Places I HAVE to see? Places to Avoid.....Anything??? Throw it my way.

Thanks so much for all of your support and love. Last night I read a talk that I am pretty sure Elder Holland wrote just for me (seriously) haha jk But basically I am grateful to know all of these things.

The Best Is Yet To Be!

Look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed towards the future.

Forgive and Forget

The best advice and my goal from this point forward is to NOT dwell on days now gone nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. I have learned what I needed to learn and I have brought with me the best that I have experienced. So I think we can all take Elder Hollands advice;

" Faith is always pointed toward the future"

The best is yet to be :)

Love you guys!

Goodbye

I am truly amazed right now.
Amazed at how betrayed I feel.
Amazed at how much I know my savior loves me.
Amazed that I have such an incredible family.
Amazed to have friends that love and care about me.
Amazed at how blessed I am.

Overall I am writing this because I want to remember that this is a start to a new beginning. That this is my goodbye to this chapter of my life. 
Sean has been that person for the past 6 years of my life that has always taken care of me and protected my heart. He has been that person that would kill anyone who dared to hurt me. He was my go to man, my best friend that I could always count on. Within two 1/2 hour conversations my Sean world has came crumbling down. He betrayed every promise we had ever made, he was unfaithful, he lied, he cried, he apologized, he gave up. Things were going great, at least I thought so. He made some huge mistakes that will effect him the rest of his life... and its changed mine. We aren't getting married anymore and I can't believe how many emotions I have felt in just one day of this. I know life could be so much worse, I know how blessed I am, but I also know that it's ok to hurt. It's ok to show how I feel, but at the end of the day I get down on my knees and thank my heavenly father for all the pain and for all the joy, for all the tears and for all the laughter, for all those who have betrayed me and for all those who love me. 

I have gone from feeling disgusted, to hurt, to angry, to sad, to completely humiliated,  to grateful and its a cycle that keeps replaying in my head.

I think of him and her and all of the lies and I am disgusted, I think of the fact that I have lost my very best friend and I am so unbelieveably hurt, I think of how I gave him my heart and I trusted him and he crushed it.. and I am angry, I think of how lost he is and how much he needs me right now and how much I wish I could make it better.. and I am sad that I am no longer a part of his life, I think of everything and how much faith I had in him and how much I trusted him and I feel humiliated, I know I would have kept my promises if he didn't break his, I know how happy we could have been and my heart hurts..... and then I am grateful for everything. Everything he taught me, for loving me even if it means nothing now, for being my very best friend, for showing me what it feels like to give someone your heart, even though he didn't take care of it, for being a bump in this journey to make me stronger. I am grateful that he could finally be honest with me and let me go. I am grateful to feel my saviors love, I feel it now more then ever. I am grateful for the spirit to guide me in every decision I make. I know that the spirit guided Sean and I together, I know it was right at one time and I will never doubt that or regret that. I am glad that I have learned that bad decisions can change everything in the blink of an eye. I am glad that I know who I am and what I want, I determine how I handle this. He doesn't determine my happiness.  I am so grateful for friends and family who love and care about me. I am grateful that this trial will make me stronger. I am grateful to know there is someone out there who will love me and never betray me, someone who will make me happier then I ever was with Sean.


But for now thats all I have in me. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through.
I am letting go of the one thing I never thought I would have to. Sean my heart aches for you I know how lost you are right now. I want nothing more then to wake up from this nightmare, To wake up in your arms and kiss you and know that everything is ok. I want to live out everything, every dream we have planned since we were just young kids. I want to call you because everytime I have hurt you have always been there, you have always listened and you have always found a way to make me smile you always made it better. But I hurt most because I know this is goodbye forever. I know that our life we have planned together will never come true. I know I deserve so much better then you and that is so hard to say when you use to be my better. I know that my heart will heal. I know I will get over this. But most of all I know I will forgive you. I can't right now but I know I will. I know I want the best for you even though I hate you so much right now I love so much at the same time. I know there will be a day when I can say I don't love you anymore but for now all I can say is that I know this is happening for a reason. I know my heavenly father has a plan for me, I know he loves me and he wants me to be happy that is the only thing that is getting me through. I know he is crying with me right now and that all of this pain will be worth it in the end. I hope and pray that you can know all those things as well. Your heavenly father loves you and as low as you feel right now he will never give you anything you can't handle. He is there for you right now just as much as he is there for me. I am grateful for almost 7 years of memories with you, and I am ready to let you go, Forever.  

Flashback to 7K

This picture was taken right after my family helped me move into my apartment in St. George. They were getting ready to leave me  and drive back to SLC. I remember this night so clearly.. it was so weird to have that feeling of being on my own. When we said by my mom and dad both cried and I am pretty sure that made my sisters cry too. I guess I never thought of that day being emotional until it actually came and I was in that moment. I am so grateful I had the opportunity to live away from home for 2 1/2 years. It was such a great learning experience. I am also grateful that I have been home for that past year and that I still have 6 more months of seeing my family regularly. Once I get married Sean and I will be off on our own adventure and I know how much I will miss my family so for now I am just enjoying the time I have at home.

This week I want to flashback to my first year of college

Apt. 7K

I was so lucky to move down to college with 3 of my best friends and we were lucky enough that Alicia wanted to join us. I remember we were all really nervous because we didn't know how Alicia would fit in with us but seriously she made that experience 10X better.

DODGE BALL

I love Erin's face in this one haha

Oh that famous "BROOM GAME" we would meet new guys and make them play this. They would spin around and then do jumping jacks after.. I can't explain to you how hard we laughed over this but I will never forget it. But the best moment was when Alicia tried to run down the hallway after spinning and slammed straight into a door knob!

We always celebrated brithdays and had a blast! This picture was from Mal's birthday!

Halloween 2006

Christmas 2006

We loved bonfires

The trampoline... wow I don't remember where this came from but just another great memory we have......

I will never forget all those experience my first time away from home. I learned so many life lessons and I was so lucky to be surrounded by such great examples. I love my 7K girls for life!!!

Short and Sweet

I am enjoying my vacation to see Erin in St. Geezy! I love that summer is here, finally being able to pull out my flip flops is so bitter sweet. I love that its not too cold that I have to wear boots but I hate how dry my feet get. Which brings me to what I want this wednesday. I wish I could have all the tennis shoes in the world, every style every color. I would wear them even in the summer time. I guess I go with flip flops because they are cheap and stylish but I would love to rock a new pair of kicks everyday!

These would be great for Fenway watching my redsocks play and a nice summer night

I love dreaming about all the useless things I would spend my money on if I were filthy rich. But for now I will keep sporting my 10 to 20 dollar flops from target I still love them!

Flashback Friday!!!!

First off, before flashback friday.... I believe yesterday was Earth Day which means it was someone's birthday .....

Erin M. Burk

Turned 22 on April 22nd as she said on facebook it is "her golden year"

Where do I even start with this girl we have been through so much together! I would have to say the best memories I have with Erin is all of our memories at dixie. We were there when we both fell in love, both almost got married, both got our hearts broken, both had our hearts mended, both made mistakes and learned from them. She knows all my secrets. We have shared more tears and laughs then I can even count. Our last semester we got to share a room and with both of us being single for the first time we got really close. Erin has such a strong faith in the gospel and she has always been such an example to me. I am so grateful for her and all the memories we share. Love you girl! I get to go visit her next week in St. Geezy.. like the good old times :)

Now for my flashback of the week. How appropriate to remember when Erin and I went to Philidelphi, PA and New Jersey and visited her family. It was such a fun trip! Her uncle took us on a tour of downtown Philly then we headed up to the Jersey shore of the weekend to stay in her families beach house. We were beach bums for sure! Its odd how I have gotten to go on trips with 3 of my best friends and we have all spent the majority of our time on the beach! I think it goes to show why we are all best friends! They are the only girls I know that can lay in the sun ALL day with me.

Some pictures from Summer 2007

Trip with E-baby to Philly and Jersey

I just love flashing back to all the great memories in my lifetime!!

I Want It Wednesday

Last summer I bought approximately 23 dresses....

This summer I started a little early and I have 3

I am addicted to Summer Dresses! So what do I want, I want to be able to buy every single summer dress I see and want. Yes I know its a dream.... here are just a few...

Lets hope I can keep this summer's addiction under control....

Wish me luck